


One Step Foward

by hanabi5



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, Big Big Spoilers, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Go read the manga, Growing Up, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Menstruation, Puberty, Spoilers, Temporary Character Death, Trans Ciel Phantomhive, Trans Male Character, Twins, lol this tag fits so well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26262508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanabi5/pseuds/hanabi5
Summary: How O!Ciel’s life changed year by year.orHow his body constantly reminded him that he and R!Ciel were not that identical.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	One Step Foward

**Author's Note:**

> MAJOR **SPOILERS!**
> 
> And also **TRIGGER WARNINGS!** (read the tags !!!)
> 
> Hope you like it ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

The Phantomhive twins were incredibly alike. 

Well, they were twins after all, that’s already to be expected. But for a boy and a girl to look that identical? That was indeed curious.

┈─┈┈─┈┈─┈┈─┈┈─┈┈─┈┈─

She started to feel conscious about her body around the age of 3. Her body was different from Ciel’s, she had noticed while bathing. How come?

She kind of wanted to be like her brother. They were so similar already, right? She found it strange for the rest of their body not be identical. 

At the age of 4, their parents taught them what made boys and girls different, after several questions coming from the child. Ciel was a boy because of what he had between his legs, and she was a girl because her’s was different. 

It pretty much sounded like nonsense. Why couldnt she be a boy, too? Skirts were highly inconvenient and that long hair of hers was starting to piss her off. 

At the age of 5, she began to dress with Ciel’s clothes. At first it was for fun. It won’t become a habit, she had promised their parents. But before she could notice, dresses and ponytails were already unbearable for her to wear. 

And so, she cut off her hair.

At the age of 6, those who didn’t know the twins since they were born would just assume they were two identical little boys. Their parents didn’t mind correcting them, much to her delight; she liked feeling like a boy. 

She felt like a boy, after all.

At the age of 7, he was no longer a she. He was a boy. Boys do not get called “she”, he insisted. 

And thankfully, nobody argued.

At the age of 8, old friends of family not unusually criticized him. This is going way too far, some would say. She can’t keep acting like a boy forever. 

_“He_ 's not acting, he simply is one. And if you have a problem with this, you’re free to leave.” His parents answered. He was in safe hands.

At the age of 9, bathing along with Ciel started to becoming hard for him. Truth be told, he felt jealous. He was already aware of what the future would bring him, unlike his brother.

He didn't want to grow up to be like his mother, but like his father. He didn’t want to grow up just yet.

At the age of 10, his brother was gone. 

Claiming his late sibling’s name felt kind of good in a sense. If Ciel was a 'real' boy, then now he was one, too. Him, the new Ciel Phantomhive, returned home along with a new loyal butler, one who didn’t hesitate before calling him a “he”. 

At the age of 11, among all of the things Sebastian started teaching him, one topic seemed to stress him out. _Puberty._

His chest was still flat for sure, but not as flat it used to be a year ago. His hips were starting to slowly get wider, and, as a boy, his voice should probably sound deeper than it did by now. But he would just have to handle it.

At the age of 12, his shirts became too tight-fitting. Hiding his feminine figure was starting to become a stressful task, with Sebastian still insisting that a jacket would do fine to cover his chest and that he was overreacting.

He wondered what would his brother look like now if he was still here. Now, more than never, he wish he could look like him.

At the age of 13, he woke up at the gruesome sight of red stained sheets. His stomach hurt as if he were dying, and he cursed heaven as he watched in disgust Sebastian wash away that damn blood from his legs.

And with that, he couldn’t help but feel like a defenseless girl.

But most importantly, at the age of 13, _his brother came back._ He didn’t know why, and he didn’t know how. 

But his play was over.

The real Earl was here. The real Ciel. _The real boy._

No matter how hard he tried, his brother was undeniably one step foward. 

**Author's Note:**

> trans ciel is canon and you can't change my mind


End file.
